The Thing Is...

Venni Vetti Vecci

So I was thinking of some older music I used to listened to, and honestly, Venni Vetti Vecci by Ja Rule was one of my favorite CDs back in the day.  I decided to re-download it and I listened to a track called ‘Only Begotten Son’ and it starts out with Ja talking over some strings.. He opens with:  “He who believeth in Ja shall not be condemned. But he that believeth not, is condemned already.  Only because you have not believed in the name, and the only begotten son, my lord.”

I mean… What????

This is Ja Rule.. not some disciple, or bishop, or holy gladiator about to go to battle.  Its the same guy who did ‘Holla Holla’, ‘Murda4Life’, ‘I hate Niggaz (Skit)’ and ‘Kill em all (Ft. Jay-Z)’.

Have some consistency, Ja. Who says “believeth” anyways?

Pain is Love!

re: Make-a-Wish

B2M. Great idea.  I would be bawling if I heard “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” performed live while you were in a hospital bed.  I think I would try and realize my dream of a celebrity slip ‘n slide wiffle ball tournament.  Will Smith, Kanye, M.I.A and Conan O’brien would all be there.  Though I have been told this would be difficult to accomplish for two reasons: 

1. Typically you only get to hang out with one celebrity with the make-a-wish foundation

2. I probably wouldn’t be in any kind of condition for physical activity of that level

re: make a wish

Hmm.. that’s a tough one.. I’ve been thinking about this lately and I decided it would be nice to have Boys II Men come and do a private a capella set for me. 

‘It’s so harrrrd.. to say goodbyeeee.. to yester-dayyyyeeeeee” as I exhale for the last time.

Then they jump into Motownphilly and it brings me back to life.

Make-a-wish

What would you do if you were in the make-a-wish foundation?

Webmd

Has anyone been on Webmd as of late.  You know it as the doc on the net.  I was just scoping it out today and realized how ambiguous this site is to the normal eye.  The home page is so happy/uplifting/chipper.  There’s a grandmother with a baked pie and she’s smiling.  The color scheme is very warm and nourishing, it makes you feel good.  But lets be honest, no one’s going on this website because they wanna get happy news, they’re going on this site to look up what the fuck are these purple and red bumps that just appeared on my inner thigh.  

There are only two kinds of people that use Webmd.  People that are trying to win a bet on some sort of disease that was just drunkenly discussed over kings cup, and then there are people that are basically frightened out of their minds that they might have some sort of life threatening disease.

The slogan for Webmd should be - Webmd enter happy, leave with a disease.

The nose rub affect.

Noses are weird, nothing good comes out of them, literally nothing good.  Think about it, buggers, no good, snot, no bueno, phlegm, nope, blood, well you get the point.  And the worse part about the nose is when it plays trix on you in public and especially with another person(s).  It sucks hard when you’re “chillin” with someone and the nose has a little fun, you feel a bugger is exposed, or snot is trying to get a peek of its own.  You start to panic, “oh shit, this guy/girl is totally scoping this god awful bugger that is popping out of my nose, and they think i’m disgusting.”  So what do you do, no no, what do we all do.  We do the, no I don’t have anything in my nose nonchalant nose swipe, in hopes to get the bugger out.  

And this is where the fun begins.  Even though you think you have a bugger out in the daylight, you don’t, its just your nose fucking with you.  But since you don’t have a bugger, your opponent thinks that the swipe of your nose was a hint or suggestion shall we say that he/she has a bugger of their own.  Cause lets face it, no matter how chill of bros you are, its very difficult and awkward to tell someone, “hey bro, you got a bugger hanging out.”  By the way when someone does tell you this horrifying fact, eye contact is never made.  Why is the nose so shitty.  

So anyways, your friend/opponent now believes they have a bugger of their own, so they do the nose swipe, and then by them doing that, you think oh shit my buggers still in tact and that was them making sure they dont have one because I do.  And this is where the nose rub affect starts.  Back and forth the casual nose swipes go, for hours at a time.  And each person thinking they have a bugger.  

Well played nose, for you are the jokester of the human body.

Have a good half decade.

The lady at the store just told me to “have a good week”. This shouldn’t be allowed.  I think there should be a one day max on well wishing someone’s future. Also, how long is a “one”, as in “have a good one”?

Cyclists

It seems like the past five years or so there has been a steady rise in regular people turning into cyclists.  The boom began around the Lance Armstrong days, when the american won the tour de france or whatever with only one ball.  That caught a lot of attention from people compassionate about cancer,  and people interested in stories of triumph and beating the odds… Underdogs.

Cycling goes well with the ‘green movement’. People get interested in the name of it being good for the environment and good for their personal health. All of a sudden cycling becomes something important to the middle-upper class people of society. The yellow wristbands get released and the public eats them up like hot cakes.  People wear them in honor of cancer, cycling, fashion and the legendary Lance Armstrong.  We begin to notice cyclists on the streets.  No, not people riding bikes.  Cyclists.

The difference between the two is mainly the spandex outfit.  These come in all kinds of colors and are usually covered with logos and brand names.  Cyclists love wearing these, claiming that it helps their aerodynamics.  The more logos and sponsors you have on your uniform, the better you are as a cyclist. Sunglasses, a cool helmet, thin tires and rock-climbing shoes are things you will see an experienced cyclist wearing.

You can usually spot the beginners because they are overweight.  You often see them going downhill, or on flat surfaces peddling on the high gears.  Amateur cyclists are usually happy people.  They rediscover how fun it is to ride a bike again and believe they are getting in a good workout at the same time. They absolutely wear the uniforms with no shame, saying to the world “hey! i am living a healthy lifestyle. what are you doing?”.

Again, a cyclist is not a cyclist without the uniform! It is important for the cyclist to separate himself from the average person riding a bike.  He isn’t riding as means of transport, like the poor man. He rides because he chooses to… Because he loves to overcome the odds.

You probably think this plate is about you.

So I’m convinced that Scottsdale has more vanity plates per capita than anywhere else in the entire world (not an exaggeration).  Every time I drive on the 101 in Scottsdale I am overwhelmed by 7 character displays of wit and creativity (an exaggeration).  I have also observed that the further you venture into North Scottsdale, the douchier the license plates get.  In honor of these short-hand wordsmiths, I have decided to keep a running tally of the dumbest vanity plates I see on the road.  This is my list so far. I’ll update it as the list of d’s grows.

RN DNCR

TIMSTOY

THX MAX

JST JAZ E

HUNNIE

LIL KEV*

This was a handicap plate, so it might not be that funny

My bad

So I’ve been putting a lot of thought into the subject of throwing up lately.  It’s one of those things that can easily ruin a casual situation such as a date or an outing with the “bros.”  But the thing is, is that you can’t help it, and you don’t want it to happen.  Yet when it does happen you look like the bad guy.  For instance, say you’re on a date, the first date.  Everything’s going great.  The chemistries there, you’re looking good, you got this one in the bag.  Then all of a sudden your insides do a little gallop and the next thing you know, you got your dinner out on the table, AWKWARD!  First you look at the vomit and realize, are you fucking serious!  Then you do the slow pan up at your date, with the glossy eyes that just developed from your inexcusable action.  You look like a puppy dog, you’re pathetic, you’re disgusting, you now have became a “horrible” human being.  Your chances are over, you will never talk to this girl again, she will ruin your reputation around town, you have to move, you have to change aliases, you’re fucked!  All because you accidently threw up.  It’s not like you were like “I really wanna throw up right now.”  It was an accident, a mistake that you never wanted to happen, yet this, “my bad” has basically ruined everything about you.  All because of something that you didn’t mean to happen.  YOU NEVER MEANT TO DO.